Sedona
As you approach Sedona from Phoenix, the flat brown desert gives away to an expanding geography and color palette. Rock formations of dark red alternating with light orange take over the horizon. Their color is only heightened by the juxtaposition against the cerulean blue of the sky.
It’s a small town that has become a mecca for spiritual seekers and people looking for healing. The town has five main vortex sites but the whole city is said to be a portal for the invisible tendrils of energy that are thrust from the earth. This energy is reported to clear out dark energy, help process grief and heal the invisible spiritual and emotional wounds we carry as humans.
It’s no surprise Sedona is where I was drawn to for a girl’s trip, with my two best friends April and Jen, after my marriage ended. I was a wreck when I arrived, in the middle of mediation for a divorce I wasn’t sure I wanted, I had recently ended my first post-separation relationship. I felt sad, I felt shame and lots of self-hatred. My wounds were open and festering. My sadness was a lump in my chest that had not made its way outside of my body. I had not cried or really grasped the emotional significance of what it meant to end a 13-year partnership. I just knew I was no longer happy. I had been so busy working and protecting my son from the volatile emotions of a divorce that I just held it all in.
But I was now with my two best friends and we had weaved together an itinerary that was guaranteed to get our chakras aligned, our emotions processed and our energy on a high vibration. It was like landing on a soft mattress after falling from a burning building. I could take a break from not feeling and actually focus on the maelstrom that had become my life. How had I gotten here? Why was I even here?
These were all the thoughts that echoed through my mind the first night we arrived. I could not sleep thinking about my divorce, my role in it, my sadness over the loss of my first relationship after the end of my marriage. Sleepless nights were not a new thing. But instead of hiding my sadness from my son and putting on my work clothes and trudging through my day, I laid there in bed and cried. That’s where April and Jen found me in the morning — sobbing in my bed. Without saying a word, they both just crawled into the bed with me and like a litter of puppies we just huddled together and they held me while I cried.
That cry opened the floodgates. I cried later that morning at outdoor yoga at the airport mesa vortex. I literally bawled my eyes out at the Chapel of the Holy Cross, an incredibly intimate and beautiful church built into Sedona’s red rocks while holding Jen’s hand. I am pretty sure I cried while hiking Boynton canyon and definitely cried when we meditated at a Buddhist temple. After we meditated, the three of us walked around the Amitabha Stupa at the center of the complex. It was while walking silently in circles after my mind was empty and I was in a meditation stupor that my mind was able to grasp what my heart already knew. My wish not just for my life, but for all the people I love, is that peace and love overcome fear and loss. Everyone’s heart has a wish and this was mine. I had not been able to hear it while I was living my day to day life, there were too many other sounds vying for my attention — mainly self-destructive ones that had been drowning out the pure words from the heart.
Later that night, April and I sat up and talked until really late, it was our last night before we were heading home. I had been bearing my soul for the past four days, purging memories and feelings like a drunk getting their stomach pumped. But that night my heart was light. That night April talked about her hardships and what she was going through loving a man who was very far away from her and her pain. I let her talk and talk. And I knew the therapy they had bestowed upon me the past few days. They had allowed me to pour out my heart, clear my head and find my voice, the healthy one that loved me. Their love and ability to walk through this trip with me helped guide me toward a path of self-help and awareness I had not had before this trip. It led me to start my healing. It led me to start the process of letting love and peace overcome fear and loss. And I am forever grateful.
